it’s 5 am. i accidentally left the water on all night in the backyard. that is a terrible mistake, one i don’t usually make, but after biking home from a long day that was less-than-productive for me, and between the chicken mole and episodes of scrubs on dvd, i paced and ranted, waving my arms about wildly, shaking my head and reapeating over and over ‘i just don’t get it’… and now i notice that i am harboring a whole lot of intolerance, or is it anger, or is it fear? i say fear half-jokingly with a smirk on my face because i just rewatched that “cult” classic Donnie Darko and pondered the bipolarization, the limited opposition of the continuum from fear to love… Verdita! Place an X on the line where it belongs… and as “cult” classics generally do, Donnie Darko tends to play out in my head for the next several days after i watch it until the video screen in my mind gets tired of showing it.
speaking of emergent themes, (okay we weren’t, i know, but one emerged) let’s talk about FEAR. let’s talk about how it drives us to resist, to be exclusionary, to take what isn’t ours to own, to not own what is ours, to say yes when we mean to say no, of making decisions, of making decisions and then being wrong, of standing up for ourselves, of speaking our truths, of even knowing what our truths are, of ever excavating our deep-seated beliefs, of interrogating ourselves and our lenses, of changing them… i suppose i could go on and on all day long, but as i have wasted time checking email, etc. it is now time to get ready for work and i did not accomplish what i meant to in this blog. i will return to it later.
